Rituals, Traditions, and other Bad Habits

"Mommy, I don't like turkey. Or mashed potatos. Can we have something else to eat for Thanksgiving dinner?" There is no reasonable answer to that question. "What do you want, dear? Sushi?"



Actually, Danceman joined a Hawaiian family for Thanksgiving one year and they did serve sushi. But they also had a turkey. Sounds perfect, doesn't it? But ‘tis the season and all that so maybe it warrants some sitting and thinking about.


When one of the little dudes asked me what our family traditions are for a school project, my mind went a little blank. Okay, totally blank. Maybe we don’t really have any? It’s not like we tromp out into the snow to select and hack down a fresh-from-the-woods Christmas tree every year. We don’t go out caroling or have a family casserole recipe that’s been handed down through the generations.


The dictionary defines family traditions as a collective of ideas and attitudes that one inherits from one’s family. Their purpose is to “promote a sense of identity and a feeling of closeness, a sense of security and assurance in today’s fast, hectic, and ever-changing world.” And nothing screams feelings of closeness more than bacon and eggs. And French toast.

And so every Saturday morning, since the day after we first met, Danceman and I have moseyed over to the 19^th Hole for breakfast.

It’s nothing fancy, or healthy for that matter. In the beginning we loved it because it was close by, cheap, and there was never a wait. Plus it has a fabulous view. Now the little dudes love it too but not for those reasons. They probably feel like sitting in the same booth each weekend promotes a feeling of closeness and sense of security. Well, and they like the view too.

Afternoon at the Driving Range

Tink! Out over the canyon
Purple bandana and
Plaid shorts
Fit nice over beautiful my-aged guy.
Tink! Too far left.
The show isn’t done but opens soon.
An artist?
An actor? Directed by the tides or the moon.
Tink!
No ring, it figures.
Has he balanced the art of bill paying
And palm swaying?
Tink! Nice one, honey.
We climb into our 4-door and pass him
As he scooters away.

My List (continued)

What I am afraid of? Nothing out of the ordinary, that’s for sure: heights, creepy bugs, small spaces, things that go bump in the night, bad things happening to my kids. Since I cannot do anything about the last two, and critters only really bother me when I’m caught by surprise or when I’m trying to sleep (“ack! what’s that THING in my sleeping bag?”), I’m going to explore facing the others.

There is something about looking over a railing down to the teeny tiny world below that makes my stomach twist up in knots. I cannot ride in a glass elevator with my eyes open beyond the 4th floor or so. I’ve been on a very small airplane to a very remote place and I’m thinking once is enough for that kind of experience – for sure.

Of course bungy-jumping or parachuting would be scary things to tackle. For the list, however, I’m going to say that hang-gliding is something I have easy access to and would certainly never forget. You can probably die hang-gliding, right? I promise I’ll take pictures.

I suppose if I were really serious about this Face Your Fears thing, I would try to overcome my fear of small spaces by doing some cave exploring. But I just don’t want to. Isn’t that enough? Bleh. Makes my stomach hurt just looking at pictures of it.


This one is easy. I love road trips with no itinerary. Even better if they are smack in the middle of somewhere I’ve never been before. Extra points if no one speaks English! If you know me, you’ve probably been on such an adventure with me. Wasn’t it fun?! Raise your hand if you were on that hike out in the desert following a wash and then the wash turned into a muddy pit with 20ft tall razor-edged reeds growing on either side and there was no way out and no water and the sun was setting and… Good times, man. Good times.

There are lots of different ways to get lost. Sometimes I think it would be fun to pretend to be someone else for a weekend, check into a swanky hotel and sip martinis by the pool in my designer bathing suit. Ha ha. I’ll keep that option open for sure.

But I still have to put something on my list that fits into this category and think its going to have to be more deeply immersed in a really foreign culture. I would love to go to Africa and live among the Masai.

Hmm. No excuses, right?

But to pick something a little closer to home: It would be interesting to travel to the Sinaloa region of Mexico where my grandmother was raised on an American socialist commune. (I can hear all my friends saying “Ah ha. That’s where she gets it!”) Of course, things went downhill for Americans after the Mexican revolution and I’m not sure its any safer today.

NO EXCUSES!! That’s what Phil would say. I wonder how Phil’s wife feels about being a single mom for weeks or months at a time while he is out “fulfilling his dreams.”

No Opportunity Wasted

There really is nothing sadder than an opportunity not taken. As much as I like to think of myself as a “what the heck” kind of gal, I've probably passed up on all kinds of cool experiences for a variety of very lame sounding reasons. As most of us have. Am I right? So anyway, this post title is actually the title of Phil Keoghan’s latest book that inspired me to think of future opportunities that should not be missed. I might even take the steps to make them happen. I would love it if you joined me.

By the way, if the name sounds familiar, Phil is the host of TV’s The Amazing Race. And speaking of which, if anyone has been looking for a race partner, please consider me. I will try very hard not to complain out loud, I can eat almost anything (ha ha), I am not afraid to knock down people in a foot race, and I’m good with maps.

Back to the book. Once the reader is finished with No Opportunity Wasted, they should have a list of things they want to do in life. I know I did. I was ready to pack a bag and walk out the door! Have I mentioned my constant desire to escape? Well, now I've got a list of experiences not to be missed, lumped into the following categories:

Face Your Fears
Get Lost
Test Your Limits
Leaps of Faith
Rediscover Childhood
Shed Your Inhibitions
Break New Ground
Aim for the Heart

In my next few posts I'm going to brainstorm these goals and explore some of my fears and secret desires. Stay tuned…

Si, Se Puede!

Here in California we celebrate Cesar Chavez Day in March when his birthday rolls around. As a bureaucrat, I get the day off, which really makes me love Cesar even more. So why I am I writing this in June? Because I am a procrastinator. Haven’t you figured that out yet?!? Because inspiration does not always hit me square on the head in a timely manner.

Anyway, Cesar Chavez grew up in the southwest as a child of migrant workers. After eighth grade he became one himself. In 1962 he formed the National Farm Workers Association and began a life-long fight for farm workers’ rights. Please head over to http://www.chavezfoundation.org/ to learn more about his life and achievements.

On the last Cesar Chavez Day I was out enjoying a sunny day to myself, riding the Ciocc from my house all the way to the beach and back. As I pedaled past this mural I immediately thought about how many people are involved in food production/distribution.

Creating the Feast

by John Jay Whalen with Jeanne Whalen and Christina Thurston

Now that summer is upon us and juicy fruits fill the farmer’s markets, it is as good a time as any for me to think of the hands that pick the food and be thankful for their work. Especially the oddly happy ones wielding carving knives!

Poem as Lovely as a...

I cannot decide if this is ironic or just bad luck but it’s just about the saddest thing I’ve come across in a long time.

At a Loss for Words. Or, Here Have Another Bite...

Can one get writer’s block without actually being a writer? Hmm. So all the websites say that to rid myself of writer’s block (If that is indeed my problem), I need to just sit down and write. Explore new ideas. Get over myself. So here I am. Writing. What is on my mind? Chocolate is always a safe bet. And now that I think about it, I’ve sort of been exposed to a lot of it lately. You see, it’s birthday season. So there is, of course, cake.







But also, chocolate in a box

Chocolate gelahhhhhhto...

And then there is the everyday chocolate stuffed into various hiding places,

And since it is my birthday, a whole afternoon tea centered around chocolate.

Yippee!

Through my work as a bureaucrat, I discovered a chocolate store. (How many people can say that about their jobs?)
Double yippee!

But then I didn’t publish my post because I was thinking things like “but there might be more cake tomorrow” which, somehow, there always is. And the block set in again. But at least I always have chocolate to keep me centered.